Parenting Advice

1) Don”t drive to an amusement park and turn around because its too crowded when your children are already aware that you are driving to an amusement park.

2) Try your best to not blame the police as to why the amusement park is no longer a viable option. Its confusing and too difficult to explain. Its also mean.

3) Never leave the pressure washer attachment on the hose when six-nine children are present at a playdate, or at any time at all.

4) Don’t stay 10 extra minutes at the bar when the babysitter says “Rita is awake and so is Josie” and its already past midnight.

5) Its best to not expose your two year old to the fountain outside of the restaurant before she eats her dinner, or after dinner, unless you plan on staying at said fountain for 3-6 hours with a hungry toddler.

6) Be sure to bring extra diapers, or even just one extra diaper, when its hot and humid and you are on a crowded incline ride and your 8 month old poops and it noticeably smells.

7) Never need a nap when your kids are protesting naps. Nobody sleeps and everybody cries.

8) When nap time seems to be going a bit too well, it might mean your toddler daughter is stuck underneath your other toddler’s bed.

9) If u plan on having a tree cut down in your yard, and if the process is visible to your 2 and 3 year old, maybe try and explain it ahead of time. Otherwise, get your trauma counseling skills out and ready because there will be a dead tree in your yard and two kids who think it is murdered and bleeding.

10) If there is a question as to whether or not your two year old is too tired to go out to dinner, she is, and you probably shouldn’t take her, unless you like tantrums and outbursts in a public place that has glass and knives on the table.