1. I received an unappreciated once over at the grocery store from a strange man undeterred by babies as a sign of a women being attached. I steered my cart away with a “cheese? Oh we don’t need any cheese,” and scampered to the cereal. He found me near the asparagus and in his most natural creepy voice said, “I like your boots and your face.” Before I could nervously quiver, Rita gave him her very best and unbelievably appropriate dinosaur growl proving further her position as perfect child and natural born feminist.
2. Josie’s baby took a tumble. She might need some oxygen soon, as well.
3. James asked if he could read to me. He opened the children’s bible and found the story of Moses. He began, “in this story one time upon, this girl had a baby and the bad guys were there so she put him in the water. He couldn’t swim but he floated and somebody else took him. Happily after. The end.”
– “Please God help that animal that my mom ran over by accident, and please, please, please don’t let it be somebody’s pet.”
– “I hope my grandma’s headache goes away soon and I’m sorry we gave her one by cheering for the Steelers and stealing so many cookies.”
– “ I would like to pray for world peace and my hamster.”
– “Please, Jesus, bring back my turtle’s appetite.”
– “ I saw a dead raccoon on the way here. I would like to pray for it and also that someone cleans it soon.”
– “God, remember all of my nine dead pets.”
– “My grandmother’s mom’s friend’s sister or maybe her cousin? I don’t know actually, I just know she knows her and her name is Violetta.”
– “For everyone’s health and lots of candy on Halloween.”
5. The following things were said by the same second graders.
Teacher: “And when is Jesus’ birthday?”
Ecstatic children: “Christmas!!!”
One girl: Additionally, I do believe, if I’m not mistaken, that Christmas is also the day that Santa Claus got married.”
“I know God made me but what I want to know is can we make hot chocolate or not?”
“Yea I know what the Trinity is, my dad works there. He can put a refridgerator on your bike and he will do it for free.”
“Could you hold my tooth? It fell out.”
“When I grow up I’m going to be a peanut butter and jelly sculptor and even though it will be hard for no one to eat my art I’m going to make something beautiful.”
“Does Mary where high heels or flip flops?”
“Has Jesus ever farted?”
Happy Tuesday. May you all know a second grader.