Happy Tuesday.

1. I received an unappreciated once over at the grocery store from a strange man undeterred by babies as a sign of a women being attached. I steered my cart away with a “cheese? Oh we don’t need any cheese,” and scampered to the cereal. He found me near the asparagus and in his most natural creepy voice said, “I like your boots and your face.” Before I could nervously quiver, Rita gave him her very best and unbelievably appropriate dinosaur growl proving further her position as perfect child and natural born feminist.

2. Josie’s baby took a tumble. She might need some oxygen soon, as well.


3.  James asked if he could read to me. He opened the children’s bible and found the story of Moses. He began, “in this story one time upon, this girl had a baby and the bad guys were there so she put him in the water. He couldn’t swim but he floated and somebody else took him. Happily after. The end.”

4. The following prayer requests were made by 11 second graders at tonight’s CCD.

– “Please God help that animal that my mom ran over by accident, and please, please, please don’t let it be somebody’s pet.”

– “I hope my grandma’s headache goes away soon and I’m sorry we gave her one by cheering for the Steelers and stealing so many cookies.”

– “ I would like to pray for world peace and my hamster.”

– “Please, Jesus, bring back my turtle’s appetite.”

– “ I saw a dead raccoon on the way here. I would like to pray for it and also that someone cleans it soon.”

– “God, remember all of my nine dead pets.”

– “My grandmother’s mom’s friend’s sister or maybe her cousin? I don’t know actually, I just know she knows her and her name is Violetta.”

– “For everyone’s health and lots of candy on Halloween.”

5. The following things were said by the same second graders.

Teacher: “And when is Jesus’ birthday?”

Ecstatic children: “Christmas!!!”

One girl: Additionally, I do believe, if I’m not mistaken, that Christmas is also the day that Santa Claus got married.”

“I know God made me but what I want to know is can we make hot chocolate or not?”

“Yea I know what the Trinity is, my dad works there. He can put a refridgerator on your bike and he will do it for free.”

“Could you hold my tooth? It fell out.”

“When I grow up I’m going to be a peanut butter and jelly sculptor and even though it will be hard for no one to eat my art I’m going to make something beautiful.”

“Does Mary where high heels or flip flops?”

“Has Jesus ever farted?”

Happy Tuesday. May you all know a second grader.

Look at their Feet.

I was confident we could sit in the front. Jim quietly insisted we remain in the back due to snotty noses and moods. I confidently/defiantly marched to the front and regretted it about 30 seconds afterwards. They jumped, smashed stranger’s feet in the kneelers, Josie took off her shoes, James very loudly said “Jesus is sad because his friends killed him,” making me look like the all time craziest mother ever. In between tantrums, musical chairs, and nearly cracked skulls, I heard small pieces of the homily. Father spoke of humility, and going outside our comfort zones to wash the feet of those who need us. He then washed the feet of unsuspecting parishioners. Thankful I was not chosen, because who knows what my feet smell like, I thought about the feet I am entrusted with washing. Jim’s planted firmly on the ground, wearing the shoes I bought him for Christmas, because they are sensible, and he knows I like them. James’ sausage feet were hanging in the air  as he purposefully confused the pew with monkey bars.  His shoes were proudly on the wrong feet because he put them on by himself and refused to change them.  Josie’s: long, lean, and smelly; had one sock on, the other off, revealing her fuchsia nail polish she applied by herself and then spilled all over my bathroom. Her pink light up pumas to match her shirt were stuck in between the kneeler. Rita’s jumped on her dad’s lap as she giggled and cooed revealing her joy to the Church.

Each pair unique, stubborn, and strong. And each pair, most definitely, in need of a bath.