1.) As Christmas Eve night became early Christmas morning, my desire to bag the trampoline grew with each and every spring to attach and tie to secure, and I discovered it is not actually a good idea to begin building a large, time-consuming, dangerous toy hours before children wake and after Christmas dinner wine. Alas, we dawned our Christmas pajamas and raced our brothers and sisters via text message photo evidence to see who could bring the Christmas magic first. We lost. Also, we were the only household to send its matriarch through the basement ceiling tile after bouncing on the children’s trampoline slightly too enthusiastically. I’m ok, but the ceiling is broken.
2.) Upon witnessing the activity inside the mesh walls of the trampoline on Christmas morning, St Nicholas delivered a special message to my children via fake cell phone call, “Dear Kids, I hope you enjoy this trampoline I’m letting you borrow for the Octave while dad is still home and mom is not solely responsible for your livelihood!” And with absolutely zero guilt, I’m going to enjoy the remaining gullible years and spend my Sam’s club refund on diapers.
3.) The case of the Stocking Stealer/Alphabet knowing Manipulator: “Mom!” he whispered -10 millimeters from my face as his morning breath spewed from his loud and airy whisper. “Santa Claus put a stocking on my door. Isn’t that so special?” “Yes, it is so special,” I replied to my Christmas morning boy. “I checked the girls’ rooms. He didn’t bring them one. ONly me” he lied revealing both his perfect innocence and faith in magic and complete greed/manipulation. “Are you telling the truth?” I asked. “No! I took it all!!” he said point-blank indicating further his disregard for guilt or fear of self-incrimination. “But, could I just have their pencils because they don’t even know their letters?”
4.) Each and every time someone asked “so what did you get Jim for Christmas,” I paused in hesitation. The truth is I spent a slew of cash on a remote control car, and he was maybe happier than the kids.
5.) We’ve ingested several crayons around here, but on the nontoxic scale, where exactly is chapstick?
6.) For anyone who fell behind on Christmas cards this year: I sent out an unknown number of addressed envelopes without cards in them. Feel better.
A very Happy New Year to you all! May the NYE babysitting availability be better for you than it is for us, and may the Bourbon flow like Wine. New Year’s Day Post to follow…