Linking to this super big internet party

1. Mom’s makeup looks way better on the walls

It’s not that she doesn’t notice that I put it on my face. Usually, the red lipstick is met with “ooooooo pitttty!!” from her, and a “you got the paint stuff on, mom?” from him. Maybe it’s that the walls near the vanity are so freshly painted, or cream, or clean. Or maybe it’s that mascara is black with a wand inspiring dreams of dark princesses. Or that I’ve recently invested a bit more nickels into makeup that isn’t sold at a drugstore or made of mostly water soluble ingredients. Whatever her motivation, its clear, actually, its stained, that she believes makeup looks much better on the walls than my face.

2. A tale of two pennies: how he made bank

First he offered to buy lunch and take me to the car wash. Then, upon attempting to make a quick exit he insisted he retrieve his “big money” before we went anywhere so that he could “buy stuff.” He describes the work for his earnings as “hurting his arms to move all those tree trunks” which in adult speak are actually known as wood chips. Two singular pennies often referred to as “nickies” or “dowas” by his younger sister have inspired limitless spending imagination, including diamonds, race cars, and French fries at the drive thru. When asked if he would like to earn dollar bills, he replies “no, that’s just paper, I like real money.”

3. Weaning is cool during the day, but nursing like a newborn at night is more preferred

Any tips on this one are welcomed. Also, biting. What to do?

4. First Words

Its been weeks of effort to turn Rita’s velociraptor demand scream into any sound 2-3 octives of lower pitch. High chair time is full of spoon feeding while saying “ppppllleeeeeeeesssssseeeeee” in a soft soothing register so as to inspire imitation as the sincerest form of drop the scream to keep your parents sane. She has yet to offer any of the sounds when food is involved and insists that screaming is most certainly the best way to be fed. If, however, either adult unit is to hold a camera, “cheessssse” most certainly is spoken. The toothy smile, slobber, and shoulder scrunching only aids to the cuteness. Selective listening? Unaware of rhyming sounds? Enjoys power? Not sure.

5. The easiest way to get daddy out of bed is to drink lemon water super fast and throw up on accident

Its one of Jim’s post hockey work out rituals. He leaves a bottle of lemon water by the bed. This morning, Josephine found it, and proceeded to chug it. Maybe it was the acid not sitting well, or a creative way of getting what she wanted, but, I have literally never in all of my married years, ever seen him jump out of bed so fast or at such a high pitch. For .2 seconds I feared flu, but my fears quickly dissipated as hysterical laughter erupted faster than the vomit. And if Josie has taught me anything, it’s giddy up in the morning.

6. Need a snack? Head to the garbage

It’s a baby right of passage, I think.

7. Scissors, no matter how high they are placed can always be found and used.

And if the toddler is particularly creative, they are used to cut her brother’s bed sheets.